HOSTAL HOSTEL MALENA

Malena now has a Hostel! $8 a night, and hot water!!!!

March 12 Got my chickens back from Rosi, they are back to their routine, sleeping on the floor under the counter in the kitchen. I wanted to make them a cage to sleep in at night, but I was just so dam busy today. What I did today: *Went to the beach tonight with Juan to look for more turtle eggs, didnt find any. *Repaired my garden net, and as long as the cows stay out of my yard, it should be OK, against the chickens. Thanks to all mentioned, I have only one tomatoe plant and a watermellon / cucumber plant. Thanks, guys. (so far, 2 things come to mind of what i did today, will more appear??) It occurred to me that Juan, of the Tienda, lived here all his life. So I asked, and I was right. I can't imagine. But he did mention that he left once for 25 days to go work picking beans in the jungle. 25 days, and he left once to pick up his son from the Mothers house via the bus. Me, the World Traveller / Flight Attendant, and this guy has never went more than 10 hours from his house. That includes actually waiting for the buses, too. He said he has no plans to ever leave, either. That's good, b/c neither do I. To be continued.... Apparently, I wrote to the blog lastnight, but I dont recall what I wrote.

Wednesday 8th? March (Okay, I looked, it's the 11th) Thinking about how utilitarian things are, here. Beds being comfotable are not important. You sleep, because everyone else is sleeping. Eating - the kitchens are not fancy, if you actually have one. Since you eat rice +1 for all meals, you really only need 2 pans and some fire. If you have a stove, good for you. But a few people just have cement blocks and firewood intertwined and ashes blowing all over the place on a windy day like today. I guess this way, they never have to empty it, like a traditonal fireplace. I am going to add to this list, My house. I sleep there and keep my stuff there. I really like it, made it myself. Surrounded by trees - Palm, mango, orange, etc. I think the mangos will be ready in a month. It's weird here how people just switch houses, when company comes. And the bathroom... as long as your shit goes away from your body and you can no longer see it... that is the goal. A hole, "over there," a flushing toilet, outhouse with a seat, outhouse without a seat.... Outhouse with a hole... It's just not important to have 2 sinks, a 36" double mirror vanity, and 6 freakin' lightbulbs. Do you know that people in the USA have more lightbulbs in the bathroom mirror alone, than the people have in their entire house here? Why do americans need a light in the bathroom with 6 bulbs? What is it that I was looking at? If i was renting a place, I turned all but one off. Think about it - You already know where your face, teeth, eyes, and ears are. Do you actually need a mirror? I didnt have one here for the first 6 months, and i didnt die. Seriously, i'm still alive and well. More than well. Today was the first day I made "Word of the Day" cards, which I put up at the Tienda. I was going to just make one word, but ended up with 5 cards. 2 colors, (red and blue), day of the week, a number (10), and the word "She." Can I use than in a sentence? Yes - "She is beautiful." I have 2.5 months until i have to go back to work. I am not looking forward to it. I really like my job, but I like it here , more. So much more. Although I dont work here, i am busy. Just screwing around, but it's great. While i was in the USA, Rosi watched my chickens at her house. That was nice. She told me she was going to train them to sleep in a tree like real chickens, but it did not happen. They are ground chickens, they have decided. It's just dangerous, there are opposums here. And according to Ting, opposums like to eat chickens in the middle of the night. But, also according to Ting, they eat his yucca, sugar cane, pinapples ( its really the rogue cows) and everything else he can't manage to grow. That was mean. But I ask him all the time "Where are you going?" and he says " To dig up the yucca before the 'Gato de blah blah blah' eats it." Can't Blame a Guy for Tryin'

March 7 - At The Airport

So, I get Jo's car into the Employee parking lot, onto the Employee Shuttle with help from a nice guy (I've got 6 items). On my way to Houston --> Panama. The line in the airport was SO long. Being a flight attendant, we get to skip all that and go to the head of the line. I think I will be missing that. Also, I am allowed to "check" 2 bags. So I checked 2 there, and 2 when I got on the plane. That is 4. Some people dont carry anything, so I dont want to hear it. The price of gas went back down, so I still dont want to hear it. I was all set in Houston, had a seat in First Class, and it came time to re-check the Passport. Apparently, this guy has super-eyes. He says I can't go. I guess he thought it wasnt a good idea to wash it with my clothes. He kept trying to scan it, but it hasnt been able to scan in like 4 years. Just push the little digits in, and my beautiful face will pop up. Guess he was not ready to think outside the box. They told me I can go ask a Supervisor. But by time I got to do this, that particular flight left. The one with my First Class seat wide open. So now I am on a later flight, one that happens to be oversold! I have been let on a flight that said it was over by 13. So, I will wait. Like I have a choice, right? I spent the entire month of November in the Houston Airport, so one day is nothing. I have a membership to the Presidents Club which provides free internet, free drinks, and snacks.And hot showers. I have a hot shower in my Tree House! I can't wait to get back to my Hammock. It is so noisy here, the kids cry all the time. I swear, the kids dont cry where i live. Even the babies. I think kids cry for attention, but where I live, they have their mothers' full attention all the time, if not their fathers', too. USA kids are brats. Smack em' Beat em' or Give them a Time Out. They are still brats. Lots of people here, nobody says HI when they pass you. Nobody helps you. This stupid lady saw me drop a boxed tent off the back of my suitcase, and she just stands there, making this stupid hissing noise. Like "Oopssssssssssssss." I said "Thanks for the help." I don't know why people are more stingy or rude here. I guess as a culture, we arent very nice. I'm nice. What do you need? Played the Lottery for Jo, hopefully she will win. That would be awesome. I played also. Another good thing of being back in my hammock is the Food. I have been eating complete shit since I was in the states. Long John Silvers, Burger King (I got that b/c I was falling asleep), chips, beer, wine, pasta with alfraedo sauce.... But lastnight I made some kickass vegetable soup, it was SO good.

Gonna go see about my flight.... Okay so there were no seats on the flight. I will spend the night in the airport. First a few drinks at the Presidents Club!

March 6 - in Florida

march 1 - COIBA REPORT

Coiba was awesome. The snorkeling was great.

Accomodations are $20 per night in a cabin, reservations are apparently optional since The Peace Corp Girl made them, but were not found.

I was going to sleep on the beach in my hammock, but the workers of the incoming boats get to sleep in the employee quarters, so Miguel hooked me up. And he told the people i was his wife, so i did not have to pay the $20 entrance fee, also. I love this place and the people.

I have made my trip to the USA and am not liking it. Its cool to be able to call people and talk for a long time, without worrying about calling cards. Tomorrow I am looking forward to watching Golden Girls. I love that show. And Walmart. A Walmart in Flroida..... its the best.

You get a mix of white trash, black trash, hopeful Latinos and old people wearing track suits. In a Florida Walmart, you will see the most spandex ever in your life, all in one place.

It was recently my birthday, and i like to go to the beach on my birthday. Juan from the Tienda said we can go look for turtle eggs! We found 97. Didnt have anything to put them in, so we looked for some garbage and as you can see, found an old soccer ball and half a bleach bottle.

It was a good night.

The house is coming along OK. I am not very concerned about people stealing my stuff. Hey - if they want my beans - good for them.

Feb 24

FEB 24 ( I knew the date this time) Tomorrow I am going to an island, and it usually costs $200 per person. I guess I have acclamated myself well enough into my community - I get to go for free. But I bought food for the boat owner and his helper. The island is currently a prison, but also a National Park. I am most looking forward to snorkeling, which is apparently a big hit there. Jodianna The Peace Corp Girl, her Mom, friend and another PC girl are going. Miguel asked if I would go, but not sure why. Jodianna speaks better spanish than I. Maybe he just asked IF i wanted to go. I am ready- this is the first thing I have had to "plan" in like 3 months. More the most part, i just screw around all day, helping the neighbors, or sitting on front porches. Believe it or not, I am amazed how fast sunset comes. 12 hours of visiting. But it always ends up being more interesting than that - no matter what I plan to do once I leave my house, it never actually happens that way. So I always - no matter what, bring my backpack with: Water, book, sunscreen, money, and a plastic bag. The bag is for when I end up walking down the road and pick up recyclables. I also have to go back to the USA at the end of the month. I DO NOT want to go. For one, its very cold right now in PA. Florida will not be a problem, though. I might drive my truck to PA, and see if my dad can sell it. Its' just knowing that I have to leave, is really irritating me. My cat is making sexy noises at the man cat outside. Hooker. Quite windy tonight, I hope it doesnt mess up the clarity of the agua. This National Park has nothing, so you have to bring it all yourself. The Lonely Planet Guide book does not tell you that you need to bring your own tank of gas for cooking. I am taking sheets, b.c I dont know what the heck is the plan. Jodianna reserved 5 beds, but i think it would be more fun to camp. We will see. Miguel is sleeping on his boat, to make sure ..... of what I dont know. Coco, his helper - I am not sure. I think he is secretly dating a girl here, both claim NO. But if he is indeed dating her, i dont think she wants him camping with me. You all know how I am when I get too much bug spray in my system! Speaking of bug spray - I now know why i stink like ass. It is the Bug Spray. I sweat it out, and i think like ass in my arm pits. HORRIBLE! At least now I know, though. Im talking like Onion Perfume. I want to write a book, but more like essays of my blog from Panama. Everyone says they are funny. Cant hurt to send it to someone. Carnaval happened this weekend and ended officially today. I did not go, which I am glad I did not. I hear it is like MArdi Gras, people spray you with water, and lots of drunk people. I have become accustomed to no noise at all. Man, I NOT looking forward to the trip to the USA. My friend Carrie is trying to visit me, but her stubborn, bull-headed husband tells her NO. I cant comprehend someone telling me NO. Ha! So then he told her that if she signed a contract the he did not have to come to Panama and rescue her silly ass, she "can" go. But...apparaently he was joking b/c today when she told him the dates we discussed, he flipped out, not believing that she thought he was serious. They are having a talk tonight she says. After she returns to the States after being here, she will laugh about how dangerous she thought it might be. Shit, I cant' find danger if i tried. (which im not). It would be like trying to find a blue-eyed man at an Albino Convention. hahah i dont know where that came from. I feel safer here than in the states. If I was getting mugged here, people would not let that happen. Everyone here looks out for each other, even strangers. You are expected to put other peoples kids on your lap on the bus to save space. As long as they dont make noise, I am OK with this arrangement. This is the first trip i have taken in a while, i am all worked up about packing. Me, the Flight Attendant worried about packing! Ha! Most of us are worried about enough ice to keep the beer cold. The Ice Man did not bring ice for the fishermen today, so nobody went. Maybe I will buy an ice machine and make that my business. Hmmm. I dont want to go back to work, or theUS.

feb 13 - WATER WORKS

WATER WORKS - Pay $75 The other day we (The Village) had a meeting about the Water. I assumed it would be announced that "Serena is taking too long a shower." **Anybody who knows me, knows that i simply cannot take a shower in under 30 minutes, unless it is only cold water. Then I am out in less than 30 seconds. But the meeting was to talk about past dues owed, and the lack of water flowing into a huge(not) water reservoir. It was decided that today we would all meet at 7:30 or 8 am, "in the street." The village is 5 houses long, so this in not really a problem. The girl from www.couchsurfing.com and I sit on the street at 8. Three people are there. Maybe the plan was to leave your house at 8....? Welcome to Panama. Anyway, eventually all the Men show up with shovels and picks. I have previously designated myself to carry 2 gallons of water in my backpack for the workers. Then, Bebo was showing off to Nor- so i "let" him carry my backpack. After he felt the weight, he could not possibly say No, he would have looked wimpy. So, we are all walking up the street and the mountain. Barn boots, halter tops, shovels and tubes. None of the Wives came - they sent the husbands. One guy was leaving, so he sent a daughter. When I was a kid...Brad, Charlene and I would find a creek and clean the leaves out of it, to make the water flow nice. We did this today, not sure why. Something about cleaning out an old water supply, just in case we need it. And since we carried like 25 PVC tubes into the middle of freakin' nowhere (oh my God) I assume this is serious. So, I am digging dead leaves out of a creek in Panama ( I did not get bit by anything) and then people walk by and the leaves drop back into the space I just cleaned. Not to mention that the wind willdo the same in about 30 minutes. But whatever, I'm in the shade. Once that is done, it is decided we need more PVC tubes - 16. They send The Girls, and I also take this opportunity to get 3 more gallons of water. Sidenote- as i go to my house, i notice White Cow is in the yard. I try to chase it out, and it goes in the kitchen, etc. I dont think it knew I had opened the gate. She stomped my only suriving plant in my desert garden. Shit. We carry the tubes back into the middle of nowhere ( You can google it) and I am in Awe. These men of the village are on the side of a mountain, digging a ditch in full sun. I guess that if everyone helps, it is not so bad. Delivered water, etc. Peeping Tom did not get water. I passed his silly ass up. I feel bad in a way - he is a "nice" person. But he peeped and is now out of the Cool Club. End of Story. As I passed him with the water jug, everyone was yelling about the Tape Measure, and which of us had it. He is not allowed within 500 feet of my house or Oli's. Fortunately for him, we were not near my house. I was like 1 foot from him, I had to tromp past his ass in my barn boots to the other workers who wanted water. Eventually, most of the guys were doing more talking of gossip than work, so I took this oppotunity to leave with www.Couchsurfing.com Girl. We had a beer, and took naps on the hammock until it was time for volleyball. I sucked ass today. VERY VERY TIRED. Lots of walking, uphill. Then.... Somone noticed that Tano's boat is sinking, and only the roof is showing. Neno left in the truck to Get Guys. It ended up sinking, motor and all. This was about a $5,000 rig, that is gonna hurt. They looked for it tonight, and will tomorrow. The water is deep here. I will tell Gringo John, maybe he can help. Came back, made Soup Surprise and watched a movie with The Girl and Oli. A movie about being in Jail. She does not like violence, but didnt say anything. I wish she would have. We just have these weird random movies, and you never know what is going to be on the unmarked CD. I made a liter of fresh squeezed OJ for breakfast and now i am going to sleep!

FEB 17

Feb 17 In a bit of a pissy mood today. Since my house has no walls yet - this leaves me with NO privacy. Even in the bathroom, since the heavy wind keeps blowing down my curtain rod. My back REALLY hurts this week. Not sure why, but it does. So I like to sit in my hammock and read. But, inevitably - somebody shows up. Just to chat. I can't even pretend that i am not home by closing the front door and not answering it if i choose not to. I have no front door. And often, i get back from somewhere, and Oli is waiting for me in a porch chair. He is the main violater of my private time. It's not like I need to do anything personal, but jesus - dont you have a home? If so, please go to it. It's not only him, and I tried to explain that, but my espanol does not allow for lots of words. So of course he is mad, b/c i asked him to please go home. How do you say this in a nice way? You can't. He built me a new door for my gate ( i told him not to) and as he left, he whipped it into the creek. He did that with the last one he built but did not attach, either. And since I am psychic, i know he will ride on the Main Drag of Malena on the borrowed motorcycle of Marvin and go faaaasssst! (yes, i was right) Being cool, he was. So, i picked some oranges from Goyo and then Coco made a move on me. Hmmm. I swear, this place is too small for a girl like me. So i decided to watch a movie tonight. They are borrowed from the neighbor, and never, ever run all the way to the end. Irritating, but i guess it is better than doing nothing. Maybe not. Tonight, i watched almost all of Transformers, Indiana Jones and something else with action figures. Since they are burned and in spanish, I never know what it is until it is too late. I wish I had a TV, b/c i miss Law and Order and Golden Girls. Then, I think about all the time I wasted watching TV. As if that I didnt watch the last and final episode of America's Top Model, I would actually be affected. ( I never watched that show - just an example) I have not had TV in 3 months. A recent Couch surfer said she did not have one for 5 years I think. So instead she probably reads, in fact I know she does. I guess it is just another form of entertainment. A National Geographic show can be just as good as a non-fiction book. I guess we all waste our time in our own special way, huh? I prefer to read non-fiction, then I am actually learning something. My friend Loes has lots of books, but most are in Dutch. I will read all of her English books and then move on to another gringo who has books. It's wierd - that people move here and bring books that they have already read. It's like bringing dirty laundry that you have no intention of washing. There are people who will go with you - There are people who will wait for you to come back- and Then there are people who wont even care that you left. I made that myself. Nora was leaving today on the path, and I guess with all the wind, a snake fell out of a tree and wiggles past her. She appeared to be quite shooken up, but there was not much I could do - it was gone and away. Se Fue! I am painting the walls and wood of my house today and tomorrow. The first floor will be a nice green, to match the trees, and the second will be a nice blue to match the sky. I might even get crafty and put a strip of brown on the bottom to match the mud that will splash during rainy season. I really want my Dad to come down here. He is resisting and it is pissing me off. I dont think that 10 days out of his life is really going to .... what.... is the word???? He needs to get out of his box. And it is just my luck that he is just going to be finishing up a trip to Florida, so then he will be all flustered and weird. I want him to come here, so he knows what the hell I am talking about when we tallk on the phone. He think it is funny when i say "The" Phone booth. Who in the US still uses a phone booth??!? I havent used one in like 10 years. Only when I am here. I have no intention of buying a cell here, since there is no service in this village. They dont have Unlimited Plans, you just buy minutes. Well, if i am going to buy minutes, I can save myself money and just buy a phone card. And for anyone who cares... I tried again to get the chickens to sleep outside. They are having none of that business. Trees! ha! I keep planning to make then a little house and lock them in it, and then when they are used to it, i will keep it unlocked. But I havent gotten that far yet. I get side tracked so easy here. It's weird. They lay of the land does not help, either. Since it is west coast, beach, mountain and then my house, i get 30 minutes less sunlight than everyone else here. But I also get to wake up earlier. Either by chickens or the sun bleaching my eyes open. Since I am missing a wall upstairs, i can watch watch Juansito and his dad herd the cows around in the next pasture. There are plantain trees in the way, but it entertains me and then i get up. Nearly missing the cat whose ass leaks green crap, and then once the chickens realize I am awake, they rush to see who is first to be under my flipflop. You would think they would learn from Blue, what happens when you race to be under my flipflop without me knowing it. They are sleeping under my countertop, heads stretched out all over, I dont think it is normal. It looks like they have broken necks. When they take naps, they dont do that.

January 28th

Jan 28 or so "the Girls" showed up at my house, and I had planned for them to be there about 10 hours later than this. I had just arrived myself, off of a boat trip from hell. (Logistically speaking - the beaches were great) So, here i am, debriefing myself and here come these 3 with their backpacks and dirty bodies. Personally, the first thing I want to dow hen I arrive somewhere is take a shower. So did they. But The Men were cleaning the water tank on top of the hill, so this was not possible. We sat around for a while and yeah.... sat around some more that night. Maybe they went to eat at Peeping Toms Rest. My village only has one Rest., and it is unfortunate that it belongs to the guy who i have a restraining order on for Peeping in my windows. We went to the waterfall with Dionel and that was nice. Went out on the boat that is broke down, but still provides shelter. The Girls had the plan that we are going to stay the night. Well, the owner of the boat we took out there had no idea of this, and wanted his boat returned that night so he can go fishing. So..... there went our ride, didnt even pretend to say they are coming back at any certain time. Or day.... So, we drank a little and ate some more....went to the beaches and snorkeled. It wasnt that we were running out of food or rum or ice... but we might have and this seemed to linger in the air, but nobody made any serious comments about it. The girl who packed the cooler and one bottle of rum did a good job. I think she even asked if she should put the other bottle in. Someone said no. I wish she would have. Then again, i could have just done it myself. Oh- but before this boat trip we decided to go on a sight seeing tour. The local fisherman was going that way in a truck so we hopped on. He was supposed to go there and back. We left The Village at like 8 am, and did not return until 11pm. Beer for breakfast should have been the first sign that this was going to be a strange day. We were even supposed to be in the truck in the first place. We were waiting for the Church Flea Market to start and we could see that it was going to be like 3 more hours. We thought we would be back before then. We ended up at the end of the road at a Cantina and crashing a Senior Citizens Olympics Picnic. Someone started dancing....here it is like 11 am. Next bar or beach or whatever. Found a REALLY great beach with a cool rock tunnel thing. Sat there for a while until the tide kicked us out. I wish I had pics of a certain someone flailing around on the beach in her see-through underware trying to stand up. Or was she just trying to flash us? It's hard to tell with her. Took a few pics and then on to the next Cantina! More dancing! For those of you who actually know me, i have no rythym. I am ok with an instrument, but not so good with aerobics or dancing. I am getting flashbacks as I write this. 4 hours later...we are ready to leave and i am hopping into the back of the truck (which was not moving at the time) and then i guess someone lasooed me out, b/c next thing I knew I crack my head on the gravel. This was 4 days ago, and when i put my head on a soft pillow it feels like a rock pillow. My elbow hurts with a nice bruise and scrapes. We get back to my very religious village and Oli is waiting for us, or appeared quickly. Not sure. One of us fell down, (not me) and of course when you are drunk you think you are being quiet but you are definately not. We had bunkbeds, and i dont know how she got up there. Next day we all felt like shit, although one said she did not. I dont believe her! The girls left at 4 today to head back to Panama City and catch the flight to civilization. I suppose this is good, since the electric has been out for 5 hours now, and they keep opening the fridge as if something new will appear.

January .... 11? Saturday Just squeezed some oranges / limes / and some other citrus thing! It is REALLY sour, but also free. I could put sugar into it, but i think i will live. I wonder how long i can type until the bugs see the light and attack the screen. This is a nightly thing. When watching a movie on here, i need to cover the keys, otherwise - in the morning it looks like i set a bug bomb off right on top of my computer. But I dont understand what makes them die. I have a sick chicken - the Red One. She has a cold, wet boogers making bubbles in her nostrils. Neighbor kid says to put limon in her water. I just happen to have some of those laying around! But I am NOT going to put rum with it. The 3 of them are sleeping in a plastic RubberMaid shoe box, but it's now getting to be a tight fit. I turned over a milkcrate, and put the shoebox on its side. I put them in it / around it. I left to use the phone and when I came back, they found themselves under and inside the crate. The sick one is running around aimlessly, waiting for me to pick her up. Now.... she wants to be my friend. I see how it is. She is normally standoff-ish and runs from me. I keep telling her, "I dont eat chicken." I think that the neighbor chickens have been feeding her lies. Living in the middle of a pasture, and I suppose in the middle of a jungle... I hear so many weird noises from animals. Tonight so far is kind of quite, just a cow at the moment. It is making a "I'm Lost" noise. If i could tell who is belonged to, i might just do something about it. But I can't see it, and it would probably not follow me to the correct pasture anyway. Peace Corp Girl Jodianna is doing good. I think she is off to a good start and hope it work out. I was not here when the previous PCG started, but was here when she left. She was not happy with the outcome, and I think she just gave up. She was here for 2 years, and didnt even get a Recycle Bin up and running. When I finally decided I was going to stay, i started a garbage bin and got right on it. Now, we have 2 big bins, almost weekly runs to the dump. At first, people were tight with their aluminum cans. Like saving 4 cans for "a rainy day" is really going to buy you that new pool you 've been waiting for. And that was how it was - everyone had like less than 10 cans. I pried them from thier fingers and put them in the bin. We also collect plastic bottles. Many of the women claim to not have any. I know they are full of shit, b/c this village fries EVERYTHING except the rice. But what they do is, burn them in the backyard. They are not fooling me. It will take time, I guess. It's a completely new concept, not burning everything. This one couple, we will call them Raquel and Don, want to make a grass / bamboo hut and rent it out to tourists. Next to the proposed sight is their pile of garbage - that once it is burned sufficiently (in their minds) they push it into the river. I explained to them that this is not what tourists want to see. I yanked the umbrella and ripped backpack out of the pile and took it to my garbage bin. Too bad I couldn't fit the rusted box springs in my arms. Jesus. This village does not want the drunk Gringos as tourists. This leaves the EcoTourist. They need to make up their mind. FULL MOON! Lighting up everything. I was going to go down to the beach, but i think Goyo and his women have that area covered. At least for the next 5 minutes. Ha ha ha. Unemployment checks have not apprived yet, so feel free to donate. Been calling and the line is busy. I dont know if it is bc i am calling from here, or it really is busy. But usually a person would be put on hold, huh? Given some shitty elevator music? Rosi had this old wooden shelf thing on her back porch. I was eyeing it, going to see if she would sell it. Like, it was muddy and molding. Then, yesterday she hang put it in the yard. I ask what's up, and says its old and horrible. "What ya gonna do with it?" "Why, you want it?" "Ya, how much?" "Take it, i dont want it." Now, these two give me crap all the time. They says it is OK, since i bring them lots of free clothes from the USA. They gave me an old washer ( more like a rinser) and her husband always helps me carry shit. Good people. So, Oli and I take it to my house. I actually had to get out the garden hose and scrub brush. Let it dry and then put schlacker (yes, that is a word. My word.) Few nails and it is good as almost new. I am going to put my food in it. Now when i sit on my hammock, I stare at my shelves of food and other crap. Drives me nuts. I think cupboards here just invite bugs and other "unwanteds." Wonder if the Red Chicken will make it until tomorrow. The Boat: Ludvig said to wait to re-do the cushions. So I wanted. Now, the boat is ready, I have 3 groups who want to go somewhere, and no cushions. Fucker. Now we are going to have to get the matresses off of our beds, but them on the dingy boat and use those. Nobody better have sex on mine. Don't rock the boat! Segway... Peeing by moonlight

January 1, HAPPY NEW YEAR

Feliz Nuevo Ano! The Village had church until 1 am, so there was no party. Wouldnt have been anyway, since there is no drinking, smoking, or dancing allowed. A few of us went to the beach and had bonfires. Then, we went to the next village and had some drinks and i watched other people dance. A little to fast and tricky for me. Today is really windy, and I expect that another piece of my roof will blow away. Last year at this time, i lived on the beach. I dont recall it being so windy, but then again i was not so concerned about my roof blowing away. ( I have clear corrugated plastic) Took in a sick chicken yesterday. I think his foot is hurt, Oli says he has too much boogers in his face. Seems quite content in the Igloo cooler, sleeping. I have gotten some kind of ooze coming out of my eye, making it hard to see. But i blink and it goes away. Everyone says it is b/c i put my chickens too close to my face and they are dirty. Anyone who knows me, knows that i will not go to the doctor, but "wait a few days- it will go away." This has worked for 31, I mean 24 - years. Holy freakin' wind! Glad its not raining along with it. Today is a beautiful day. Just lovely looking. Then again, ALL the days look good here, especially this time of year. I am tying to upload pics, but it is not working, so I guess this will be a boring post.

MERRY CHRISTMAS

Christmas in Panama.... It's weird. In October I was not bombarded by Holiday decorations at Walmart, didn't receive ads in the mail with discounted electronics for Black Friday. Stuff like that. But today, the actual day... everyone is weed-wacking, painting, etc. One guy is even doing some plumbing. There are no presents. A few people have lights on their house, 2 people have a fake tree on their porch. I have 1' foot tree my mom gave me, on my kitchen counter. I have lights IN my house, but that if just for light. If i use a real lightbulb, it attracts bugs. Big bugs. I think I mentioned that a piece of my roof blew off. I figured that as long as I dont have rain, that is OK. But for some reason, it rained. my bed got soaked. I slept in it anyway, it was warm. Today I put all the linens on the fence to dry. I see the locals put their clothes theri to dry, and wonder if they get holes in them. I will find out later, i suppose.

So here i am, in the middle of a cow pasture, in the middle of Panama. My neighbors are only close enough that i can see a porch light, and my stupid ass is watching a scary movie. Did i mention i dont have a door, or even walls? "The Creed" is the name of the movie, but i think it should be "The Breed." The usual scary movie- stupid college kids getting killed by something. This time it is wild dogs on an island. Today I did good. I consolidated my spices. My mom made a comment, as to why i have to many of the same thing. The reason is that the spices came from my house, my condo, my Dads condo(s), the collective group of crashpads I have frequented and random shit in my truck. Plus, some crap Joanne gave me. My new tree house was/is a complete mess, I cant find anything. It's not that i wasnt making progress ( I almost related myself to Lela- how she is always busy but never gets anything done). The Tree house is only 20 x 15 feet. How hard can it be? Well, the problem is that i dont have cupboards. "Americans" make huge kitchens with 20+ cupboards to hide all of their shit. Even though my kitchen in now organized, I still feel like hanging Rosi a Walmart bag and tell her to go shopping. I mean, if she doesnt already have this crap in her house, then why do i need 2 of each? I think that people who are rich, and have closets bigger than my house have serious problems wtith their self - esteem. Or something. Ask Freud. I now have 4 empty suitcases, and no desire to fill them back up when i go to the USA. I might even take some shit back! Mostly linens. I keep watching these movies, that are burnt and usually at the end, they quit. But since i dont have a TV, or reception, it is the best I can do. Now, I am listening to the scary movie. at night (anything after 6 pm), the bugs just swarm or anything with light. So, i set a decoy light out 10 feet from my house and the bugs bother that. Had a crazy giant ant infestation tonight. (Remind me to get a new can of RAID) they werent bothering me, but on one of my floor beams. That probably means they are eating the wood. So i kicked their ass with RAID. They headed towards the Decoy light. They were just hanging out, not making a path anywhere. I thought about going out there, and stomping away with my flipflop, but decided not, since there are other bugs flying around aimlessly. I wish i could hire a guy from florida to come make me a screened porch. That is Florida's Speicalty ya know, Screened-in Porches. I will put that Ad on Craigslist and see what happens. The cows have been missing in action for 3 days. I heard Ben calling for them this morning, and shouted up the hill that i have not seen them for 3 days. Lastnight, I could hear them Moo-ing from someplace they were not supposed to be, so i told him that. I am OK with the cows (3 calves) hanging out at my house, but please stop shitting in my bathroom. I had a bucket of water in there with some plants that i was going to plant (LELA) but didnt and the cows wanted the water. But while drinking water, they were shitting in my bathroom. I dont have walls or a fence, so they pretty much have free reign of my facilty. Giant bug. Like 4 inches. Holy crap. Stay by the light....Stay by the light... Stay by the light... I thing that bug is more like a bird and less like an insect. Definately bigger than a hummingbird, and probably more dangerous. Bite! I hope my laptop light is not attractive to him. or Her. Wait a minute- I am not in the US, i dont have to be politically correct. Any bug that big is a dude. I am nowhere near being tired, which sucks b/c everyone else here is in bed. There was supposed to be church tonight, but didnt hear it. Lastnight, I went to sleep before it even started (if it did at all). It was weird, i was upstairs, and just felt like going to sleep. So i did. There is a mountain between me and the beach - sunset - so it gets darker at my house sooner that people on the beach. But.... i get up at the ass-crack of dawn.0600. You wouldnt catch me doing that voluntarily in the US. Bathroom beak went well. I dont have a light in there, just light from the Decoy. Which is fine in the night. I dont want to see what is seeing me pee. At a certain point in the night, 2130, the bugs seem to go away. I assume it is a temperature thing. In the daytime, it is freakin hot. Even I am sweaty. But in the night- better have on flannel! Lastnight, I had 5 throw blankets on, and was almost cold. If I didnt have to pee, i might have been OK. Getting out of The Pod to pee sucks. I have mine airtight with Clothes Pins, like 6. Then I have to go downstairs (which is more like a Death Ladder at a steep slope) Besides that, who wants to use the bathroom in the middle of the night. I secretly think my Mom used the bathroom less than usual at night while she was here. Or maybe she was pre-planning and not drinking so much liquid. Going to sleep. Ciao.

DECEMBER 11

Hey everyone! Times are good, great weather. My mom is visiting (see pics). Everyone here is saying how young she looks, or if she is my sister. I dont know how i should take that. Anyway, the house is coming along good. I have about 30 logs of bamboo in my kitchen, and that is getting on my nerves. The only place I can move it, is outside, and then it will get wet.

I have electric, but the hot water thing is a problem again. It's either shocking my Mom, smoking at the source, or just not working. Nobody wants to follow the directions on the package. 2 wires hooked to 2 more. But no! They are half-assing it, stealing wires from old appliances and duct -taping them together. You simply cant use the cord from an alarm clock to heat water to 120 degrees. Well, maybe you can - for like 5 seconds before your house burns down.

I had to drive Loes to Santiago today, since she cant figure out how to get a license. (That would require her to pass the test, i think !!!!) (Just kidding, Loes) She is running more errands than me, so I am taking advatage of using the internet. But..... before we arrived, i drove the truck into the ditch, trying to avoid giant-ass potholes and the car on the other side of the road. She didnt seem mad. A bus went by and pulled us out. Then i made her drive. I hate driving here. Yes, it is more convenient, but there is just too much stuff to hit.

On the way back, once we get off the main roads, i will make her drive again. Its just not fun.

I bought 4 baby chickens today and put them on the bus to Juan's Tienda. I wonder if they got there. I dont want to eat them, just have them around, i like watching them run circles around my house.

November 1 2008

Beach in Mariato

My visa (immigration type) ran out, as well as the visa (monetary) one. So, I guess it was good a time as any to go back to The States. Plus, something about returning to work....

Because of the time lap between the Visa running out and returning to Work Nov 1, I had a week or so to get acclamated to life here again. Not exactly liking this one bit. I'm cold, skin is drying out, people are still mean and rude, and I am back to sleeping in Recliner #3 in the Crewroom. Sleeping there is not exactly the problem, its the temperature in there. I guess the City of Houston is very proud of its air conditioning system at the Airport, and wants to show it off?

Up in my Bedroom, on a Rainy Day (and dirty feet)

As of now, I have been inside the airport 37 hours and counting. I will stay inside here, until they need me to fly somewhere. How do they expect me to go from this <---- to where I am now, and be happy about it?!?? UGH

Then, on my days off, I will head to Florida to try and rent out my Dads Condo. Current owner moved out. When I was there lastweek, it was even cold in Florida!!!

I have to only work November, then I am back to Panama for 6 months. The money i make in November from flying will give me enough money to get by for 6 months in Panama. Nobody believes me.

I don't have a car there, ( no insurance, gas costs), No rent ( built a tree house in the middle of a cow pasture), and the only meat I eat is fish. Fish that is caught by my Man of The Jungle and he cooks it up.

This is the Man of the Jungle, Fisherman and he also like to dangle from my Roof!

The people of Malena got rolls and rolls of free black plastic from this Shrimp Farming Plant and hour away. It went out of business, and it was a free for all - anything that was there was free. Or so i was told. They took all the plastic and dug up lots of 6-8" PVC tubes. Actually took a shovel and dug them out of the ground.

Infamous Senor Sucio at the Beach!

Here, Christhian is either carrying sand or gravel off of the beach to put in the back of the Loes's truck. Then, later he will carry it to my new House. The bath back there is slippery, not wide, and curvy along the creek/river (depending on the rain).

He is a very hard worker!

I have always tried to be Thrifty, and I have almost perfected my Mission.

I planted a garden before I left. I have no idea how this is doing. I asked Rosi to look after it while I was gone....Cucumbers, tomate, peppers of all sorts and watermellon.

Bottles I found on the Beach... Added Colored Water.

When i get back, i will plant more. I had some shitty seeds, like 4 years old.

VIDEO: Goyo & Plastic

** I would also like to note that now that i have a proper toilet, I am free to drink all the liquids I want. Before, i limited myself b/c i dont like to use the outhouse. There are no bugs in it, it's just that i wonder what is IN the hole. Loes has frogs in her bathroom...So, it's cool. I am drinking lots of water. And i need to, since I am getting dried out. I feel like a raisin.

August

I have been here this time since July 21. Was intending to return to work, but got an unexpected, but awesome 3 months of Leave. Super extra great. But like I said, I was not expecting it, in fact my request was actually denied. If I knew I would be here this long, I would have stocked up on stuff. Such as Green Tea tablets, better conditioner, etc. Suave and VO5 is $2 here. I splurged and bought some VO5. The Dollar Store here has just as crappy off-brand conditioner for $1.00. Too bad is was like a gallon of it. It is better for shaving legs, unfortunately I don’t do that much here. I have good intentions, but never get around to it. Just way tooooo busy. The neighbors and I are in the process of digging trenches and holes and moving stones for our new septic system. I finally got to wear my knee-high farm boots. I made the neighbor stick his hand in them to check for scorpions. I am currently scorpion free, in my boots at least. Since I have moved “downtown” I am really not liking the noise. It is mostly kids making noise, like whining and crying. Luckily, they don’t live here, but just on a 2 week vacation from school in The Big City. Goyo my neighbor has a lady-friend over for like a week and her kid is driving me nuts. I don’t think he talks, just whines and says “Mamma, Mamma Mamma Mamma” repeatedly. Speak of the Devil…. I have been scoping out a new place on the beach where I am going to build a tree house. I found 3 coconut trees, in a triangle, the perfect size for a platform. Ting informed me (after seeing my sketch) that you cannot build JUST a platform under coconut trees, b/c the coconuts will eventually fall and kill you. Silly Gringa! He says you have to put some kind of a roof on it, or change tree types. We will go look tomorrow. I told him that I will pay him to help, but he can use it, too. He brought me this mini pineapple the other day, it was like 6” high, but just a fat as a big one. Tasted excellent. Had to make a run into the Big City on Sunday to buy a toilet. Good thing it came in 2 boxes, b/c I had to carry it through the bus terminal to put it on top of the bus. Everyone on the bus thought it was a computer, and was disappointed when I said it was a toilet. Played volleyball on the beach tonight. Fun, but I am tired. All that digging and moving of the stones. The stones are across the street and Sr. Manana has gifted them to us. But we have to get them across the street. First, the guys thought we could throw them, but it is too far, and their aim is bad with such heavy rocks. So, we got a truck and moved them. Maybe not a whole lot faster, but definitely less work. Today was Official Hammock Washing Day at my house. I even swept my floor. I don’t really like it or think it matters. I don’t take my flip flops off when I go in. so what is the point, I just rack more crap in there in like 2 minutes. Took Sr. Susio and Hector to the beach 2 days in a row. Then, their older sister Jenny joined us to chop coconuts. While patiently waiting for his coconut to be cracked, Susio was sitting on his. Butt-ass naked. I wish I had a picture of it. He had his had chin on his hands, just waiting. And then there is Hector wearing his underpants that are 5x’s to big for his scrawny ass, running around in the beach weeds looking for more. THIS is why I am not bored here. Tomorrow I am going to try snorkeling right out front at low tide. Not sure what I will see, but the water was clear today. Went to Reynaldos Restaurant today for breakfast. Next to it, it 5 kids on vacation, so I don’t spend much time there right now. There is also a dog that will not shut the hell up. Seriously - what’s the freakin’ problem? SHUT UP. He likes the idea of the Rest., but he is bored. I wouldn’t mind hanging out with him playing cards or Racko! But that dam dog and the kids drive me nuts. After I moved to this house, I was sleeping on the hammock in front of my house, I just don’t like the bedroom. But the neighbors were looking at me funny, so I went inside. Besides, I didn’t want to be out there with my mouth hanging open when everyone is going to work. Reminds me of sleeping in the CrewRoom all night. When the people come in that actually live there, all fresh, and there I am , in my pseudo PJ’s and mouth hanging open. But the beach is real nice and I need to get back down there. Too much noise up here. I will see, after Miss Spandex leaves in few days. I just don’t like sharing my neighbor guy with her.

June 2008

Friends and Family came down in June, had a good time. The only complaint was the "wildlife" in the bedroom and bathroom. Lauren got bit by a baby scorpion ( she was not keeping her mosquito Pod closed...), Laurie was allegedly attacked by a scorpion that jumped off of the rafter in the bathroom and tried to bite her ass while she sat (while doing Soduko, of course).

In the bedroom, we have multiple types of frogs, and one toad. I am not sure how the toad got on top of the roof, but there it is. It is very loud, and seems to continue conversations with his friends in the front yard at 4 a.m.

Joanne says those frogs sound like boiling oatmeal. Plop! Blop! Plop!

There are pretty big crabs in the house as well. Crabs like above, and also hermit crabs in the shower. I have a trade-in shell department in the bathroom. Leave a shell...Take a shell Program.

We were on our way to The Cave, and the tide came up. We had to now walk inland. Sounded easy enough, but the mountain was not actually rock, but dirt disguised as rocks. We fell, damaged 2 flip flops, cut our legs.... and I then had one Cranky Aunt Cherri. Who knew she didn't like to leave her front porch Chair...?

We also had Craft Day. This was supposed to rid my front porch of all the shells that they had been collecting on their beach walks. The only one who used them, was me. I mad a dangly-thing that won't blow in the wind, but looks cool. See below!

This is the sexiest thing I could find to wear!

April 2008

Messy - sorry, i wasnt expecting company.

Guess who has electric? Oh yes - that's me. It only took 5 months, not too bad. The house I am in is newly built and has the plugs / outlets / bulbs in the sockets. Ready to go! But for some reason, there has been no wire from the house, to the street pole.

"Do you need more money?"

"No, no."

Okay, so then what is the problem?

So, the house is ready - and then the Transformer at the roads blows out. I was SO close! The electric company came out a few days later with a new one.

I plug in my fridge (which has been acting like a big, $300 cooler). One little problem, it likes to set its own temperature, I put it on 5, and when I come back - it's on "3" and my icecubes are water.

I have to look into this.

Reynaldo mending the holes in the fishing nets...

Reynaldo showing off his Skills~ play video...

Calvin and Hector in the hammock! Play the video~

Everything is going good for me down there. A lot of you are asking me what the appeal is, except Julie and Cherri who have been there. I just like it. My friend Carrie asks "But why Panama?" It's not Panama itself, but the town I found. Or maybe it found me!

The people there are so nice, trusting and quite amusing. Maybe they think i am funny, too - who knows. They don't have many luxuries by USA standards and I am willing to bet that they are much happier people. They are always smiling.

I was just there for a few days this time and I recall how nice it was to be swinging in the hammock while my neighbor Reynaldo was standing beside me fixing fishing nets and singing in Spanish. Reynaldo is not a very macho man, admits that he does not like to work hard, but easy and slow. There is no hurry to get anything done, you know.

The official fishing season is over, but 1 or 2 boats go out per day. There always seems to be someone at the beach during the day checking on the boats. Getting gas out for their motorcycle, bringing a net to Reynaldo, or just stopping by to see what is going on. The only thing that was going on is that i was watching them!

Carlos and his sister. You might recognize Carlos from his earlier work at the waterfall...(play video)

Loes is volunteering to paint Turtles on the Pavillion. Somehow she ended up with blue paint on her face, and in her mouth. You can't blame her - she is Dutch.

Guess who?

Ting is going to be jealous!

Cherri sure gets around!

March 2008

My house in Playa Malena

Julie: "Where are my Pants?"

Juan: "I will look under this piece of wood, hold on. Stop rocking the boat!"

My sister Julie y Hernan

March 6th or so, my Aunt Cherri and Sister Julie made they way from Cleveland to Panama. Unfortunately, i got to the Panama Airport 11 hours before them. Cold concrete feels SOoooo good on my back half! Did I mention the mosquitoes? What kind of airport has mosquitoes? Anyway...

We took the 1am bus to Santiago, arriving just before 4 am. We sat at the 24 hr outside eatery until 0600 when the bus to Playa Malena departs. Bored, very tired and out of ideas to entertain each other... Julie and I walked to the store and left Cherri to guard everything we owned south of the border. She did a good job, but i think she traded my comb for socks, b/c she had like 6 pairs with her. Snacked and people watched. Twice...

Eventually, the bus came and there was Ishmal, the guy who opened the restaurant in Malena. He helped "The Man" put our bags on top, and away we went on a 1.5 hour drive.

Ishmal also organized "The Man" to drop us off at the house, instead of on the main road. This is good b/c we had suitcases with wheels and that doesn't mix so well with re-bar bridges, mud, rocks and small chickens who run slow. I think we got in about 0730 and just sat there for a few hours. I'm not sure.

We had a good time relaxing, drinking rum, and watching the chickens make the rounds around the house.

Word got out the the Gringas had arrived, so people came down to see how we were.

I have a 4 year old neighbor, who, the minute he wakes up and puts on underware (and only underware) will be at my front porch laughing about something. He rides a bike with a seat that has fallen off so Cherri zip-tied it back on. A little too tight b/c now the post is poking up through the seat. I don't think he noticed. I have a used-but-new-to-him seat in my bag for next time. Cute kid. For those of you who know me, i have NEVER said that about anyone under the age of 5.

Calvin, aka Mr. Underpants

Julie and I went to the waterfall with Carlos and Reynaldo. Get the cows off the path! I didn't know what to expect. It was a 15 foot waterfall with a brown pool at the bottom. We swam, took pics and Reynaldo showed off his diving skills. I give him a 10!

We inquired to Arsalio, who is a boat maker and has made it into Cherri's Personal Collection, about going fishing with the men, and they laughed. Couldn't imagine why we would want to do that. Cherri didn't want to go, so Julie and I went on different boats. It is really a 2-person boat, but we made it work. We left at sunset, men pushing the boat into the Pacific when a big wave came. !Ciao Ting!

This is the bed we had on the boat

As soon as we found the perfect spot, Miguel y Joel threw the net over. Immediately afterwards they whip out 6 boards, and some mats to lay on. I think that wearing an additional t-shirt would have provided just as much extra padding. Anyway, as we tried not to expand past our 2 foot allotment of wood, we fell asleep.

Sleeping next to 2 men I don't know that well, in the middle of the Pacific Ocean and no socks didn't seem weird to me at all. But, that's me.

Time to wake up! I sense some commotion and roll over - they are wrapping up the mats and moving around. I have no clue what is going on, so I just sit there and try to stay out of the way.

Joel takes a yellow raincoat and wraps it around his waist (see pics) and Miguel wraps plastic from above around his waist and puts a flashlight in his mouth. I'm like, "What are these 2 doing?" They begin to pull the net in. Miguel is towards the front of the boat and i am in the back, looking at Joels' butt. This is a good thing!

The net is about 5 feet wide, and each taking a side, they pull UP and IN. Pick out the fish, toss the little flat fish back into the water at night, and to the hungry Pelican in the morning. Funny, how the bird knew exactly when to show up. Set aside the sharks. This goes on for quite some time. I offer to hold the flashlight. I'm not sure if i was helping or not, b/c next time they pulled in the nets, they started up the mini generator and the lightbulb came on. For about 5 minutes. I think they had like 15 pieces of wire hooked together to this lightbulb. It kept going out, Joel would smack a random piece of wood and it would come back on. Shortly after this I puked once.

We repeated the cycle 3 times, sleeping in between each. How do they know when to get up? About 0600, we wake up one final time, pack up the Serta Perfect Mattresses. I swear the net stretched to 4 times its original length. It took Forever to pull in that time. I would look, and think i saw the end, but it wasnt.

It took longer this time b/c it was in the water longer and had collected more fish. This means, more fish to pick out.

Eventually, Julie and her crew pull up and she is looking fine, all in one piece. My dad said to not let her out of my sight while she was in Panama. So i put her with one guy that I know good who is married and visits my house with his son. We take some pictures, and she speeds away. She took 2 pictures of me on my boat, but my head is cut off in both. Thanks, Julie.

Another night she and I decided we need to watch stars from the Soccer Field b/c is is so dark there. So, we get our rum and are ready to go but notice it is a little cool. Neither of us have a sweatshirt. We grab the blankets from our bed, which are really curtains and wrap them around our necks like scarves and we are great explorers or something. I think the rum was getting to us. We sat out there for a while.

Cherri stayed behind in "The Pod, aka Mosquito Net.

The 3 of us went for a walk on the beach out front one night to investigate who had a campfire by the Turtle House. Nobody we knew, so we turned around and walked along looking for crabs - which we found. Big and small. That was cool.

Went for a drive and swam in a creek. Somehow, in the states that would seem like a dumb or inappropriate thing to do. Unless it was the state of Hawaii. I think it is acceptable there to swim in cow pee. The hair on Cherri's and my legs was so long that the fish were trying to pull it out and eat it. We were laying on our bellies looking sexy.

There were these 3 cows that got loose and were standing in the middle of the road, not sure what to do now that they were free.

We kept losing the time and the days so we decided to make a list of what we had to do the next day. We lost the list.

Since my mom didnt make it down with my Birthday Cake, Loos cooked up a Fish Dinner Surprise (Rose Neighland) and an Apple Pie type desert. Even though she cooked it at her house, it was still warm after dinner. It was great. Mmmm.

Kees took me to town and i bought a refrigerator. It is more like a cooler, since I dont have electric. We tried to use the extension cord from Reynaldos house, but it was not strong enough. I put ice in the bottom drawer and put beer an water in there. Bigger and better than my Playmate Cooler! And - it will hold magnets! Yeah!

Almandino y Cherri

I built this sexy bed...Watch out Ethan Allen!